Thank you, Kartikey

Two or three days after a friend had stumbled upon this blog, and with annoyed surprise, asked me how long I've been posting here, it was a happy coincidence that Kartikey resumed writing in his blog - and posts from his site, found their way here. Thanks, Kartikey.

Though I had studied English at school, and have read a considerable number of books, I rarely get a chance to talk to anyone in English. For all practical purposes, it is very much the language of books. Since I started to write in Tamil a couple of years back, I find it very difficult to put my thoughts in English. I've been writing less and less, and have come to a stop. Time is a big constraint, though.

Kartikey's posts here are gentle reminders to me to resume, and I am naturally grateful for his presence in this blog. Seeing his posts recently, I feel it is important that I should acknowledge how much his posts mean to me.

So here it is.

Better days might yet come.

A Confessional

A sociopath feels the need for people as much as he feels to be rid of them. He is used to his own thoughts, their comforts and unsurprising insights. But people disturb, and when they don't surprise, shock. And a sociopath, unless he cuts himself off from all company and cloisters himself in a psychotic cocoon, cannot live without people, he needs them at least to get away from the claustrophobic effects of personhood.

All this makes for strange reading, but for about a year of so, I've been closely involved with a group of people, and while it has been a rewarding experience, i am in a state where i don't know which way to turn. I would like to get back to being myself, to turn back to the  slow passage of time, the weak pull of people. But these days, I feel the outward pull more and more, I spend a lot of time and energy to fulfil what in effect is other persons' needs, and the hollow feeling deepens with each engagement, and each further outward movement.

So ends the confessional.