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Saturday, July 28, 2012

A Confessional

A sociopath feels the need for people as much as he feels to be rid of them. He is used to his own thoughts, their comforts and unsurprising insights. But people disturb, and when they don't surprise, shock. And a sociopath, unless he cuts himself off from all company and cloisters himself in a psychotic cocoon, cannot live without people, he needs them at least to get away from the claustrophobic effects of personhood.

All this makes for strange reading, but for about a year of so, I've been closely involved with a group of people, and while it has been a rewarding experience, i am in a state where i don't know which way to turn. I would like to get back to being myself, to turn back to the  slow passage of time, the weak pull of people. But these days, I feel the outward pull more and more, I spend a lot of time and energy to fulfil what in effect is other persons' needs, and the hollow feeling deepens with each engagement, and each further outward movement.

So ends the confessional.

3 comments:

Kartikey Sehgal said...

Does doing so make you feel comfortable.

Kartikey Sehgal said...

Comfort= despite the hollowness. that others are happy.

natbas said...

But there is this question - are they happy really?

One fulfils their demand, i think we can be sure only of that.